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Hollinger Corp. 

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FOR SALE BY ALL BOOK STORES AND NEWS STANDS, PRICE 25C, 



THE WIFE OF "'OSTLER JOE," 



A TRAVESTY 



/ 

y 
, TT a? 13: TX7".A. Xj X) o 3sr, 



AUTHOR OF 



" Revised Versions," "Trixanna Trude," " Puddleton and 
Its Big Toads," etc. 



,^ ^ 

PUBLISHED BY \^''^;^' " /^ ^i ^^ 



R. W. BROWER, 
Music Dealer and Publisher, 

OTTAWA, ILLINOIS, 



JOUflNAL STEAM PRINT, OTTAW 






Entered according to the Act of Congress, 
in the year 1886, by E. W. Brower, in 
the office of the Librarian of Congress, 
at Washington, D. C. 



^^SH^^^ 



fta B& if ^^Isthi Jit.'' 



A TRAVESTY. 



By Ruth Wai^don. 



I fain would pluck a flower, but none was ever 

known to grow 
Upon the grave of ' ' Annie Brown, ' ' the wife of 

'"Ostler Joe." 
It was in a lonely corner, and no stone was at its 

head, 
Although, at least, a dozen years poor Annie had 

been dead. 

But her rest was just as peaceful without flowers 

red or white, 
And she never lured a single soul from doing what 

was right. 
She did not need a stone to tell she had been an 

honest wife. 
For a dozen children, more or less, bore witness to 

the strife. 

;)<;}< ^ iii :^ ;ic >}: ;}c 

1 



'Twas a hot day in the summer, and his face was 

very red, 
And sweat in drops, stood on his brow, when Joe 

did Annie wed. 
He wore a bright blue neck-tie and a collar stiff and 

new. 
And Annie was dressed gorgeously in yellow, red 

and blue. 

Joe had never been called handsome, but he did not 

seem to care; 
Annie would have been a beauty but for freckles 

and red hair. 
They'd a cottage near the stables — kept some pigs 

and owned a cow- 
Where they earned an honest living by the sweat- 
ing of the brow. 

"Sped the months and came a baby," and they 

named him "Little Joe;" 
Next came Ann and Jane and Johnnie, Tom and 

Ned, all in a row. 
Joe kept rubbing down the "'osses," gave them 

extra clover hay 
In honor of each baby, but he found it wouldn't 

pay. 



Had to celebrate too often, for his joys came very 

thick, 
To keep up such extravagance would take a goodly 

rick; 
He explained it to the "'osses," and they gave a 

kindly neigh — 
We accept your good intentions, was just what they 

seemed to say. 

And the children they were rosy; they looked just 

like Ann and Joe ; 
All the people in the parish fifty times had told 

them so. 
Passed the years and came the babies, keeping tally 

very near; 
Now and then they gained a little by two coming 

in a year. 

Happy was that little cottage for the doctor passed 

them by, 
Neither pills nor paregoric did Joe ever have to 

buy. 
Thunder storms in all their fury were as nothing to 

their noise. 
And a cyclone was a zephyr when compared to 

Joseph's boys. 



If a gentleman did ever dare this cottage door to 

pass, 
Both dust and pebble stones they'd fling, besides 

they'd give him " sass ;" 
Then they'd call the "pretty gemplum," when he 

stopped they'd yell out "rrats " — 
All the ' ' gemplum ' ' in the village learned to know 

the saucy brats. 

In the bar-room of the " Magpie " they did learn 

much " classic lore ;" 
They usually did graduate about the age of 

four * * * 
Came a bar-maid to the " Magpie ;" they imported 

her from town 
With a fancy frilled white apron and a stylish city 

gown: 

Hair as glossy as the raven and her teeth a pearly 

row; 
Whether they were real or boughten she did never 

let them know. 
Her laugh, it was so musical, like silver bells did 

ring. 
Sounded like the social glasses with their merry 

ting-a-ling. 



" Lurly Heights," she couldn't find 'em on the 

best and plainest maps, 
But it wasn't much worth knowing what she didn't 

know of taps. 
She never learned the siren's song, but 'twould 

almost make you cry 
When she sat upon an ale-keg singing Comin' for 

the "Rye." 

The song she sung allured more men to destruction 
every week, 

Than all the songs that the siren's sang from Ivurly's 
tallest peak. 

Higher rose her fame and wages, while she laughed 
and sung and smiled — 

Crowded was the " Magpie's " bar-room and high- 
er the beer kegs piled. 

From customer to customer quickly passed the 

foaming ale; 
All her rivals in the business fairly trembled and 

turned pale. 
Of their very oldest patrons scarcely one came any 

more. 
While the beer and ale got sour and the}- had to 

close the door. 



'Twas the very same old story, often told and o'er 

again; 
'Twas a handsome, clever woman and a lot of silly 

men. 
Joe, the 'Ostler, was no better than the rest before 

the bar, 
He was ' ' mashed ' ' upon the bar-maid and she 

made a ' ' family jar. ' ' 

'Twas this talking to the '"osses" that, at last, 

gave Joe away ; 
For he talked about the bar-maid while he fed them 

extra hay — 
^'Her was so fine an' 'ansome— 'ad a 'igh bred 

filly's pace; 
Fresh red clover in the summer wasn't sweeter than 

her face. 

Annie was too fat and clumsy, and her 'air, it was 

so red; 
When her walked her ki.id o' waddled," was what 

' Ostler Joseph said. 
As he told it to the " 'osses" the grey filly shook 

her ear — 
As if to say, " look out, old boy, there'll be trouble 

soon, I fear." 



He was talking to the horses, though he talked 

quite low and soft, 
Annie, she was hunting hen's eggs in the hay mow 

in the loft. 
So, she just kept still and listened, just like any 

woman can 
When she finds she's quite "surrounded" a base 

recreant man. 

Home came Joe that night to supper and he met 

his wrathy wife. 
And he learned the bitter lesson he remembered all 

his life. 
She burst on him like a fury from the little back 

bed-room — 
Hissing through the air in circles swung the 

handle ol the broom. 

" When her walks her kind o' waddles, does her?" 

irate Annie said. 
And she laid the broom-stick level on his shoulders, 

back and head. 
And he told it to the " 'osses " and they whinnered 

very low; 
But the filly's eyes did twinkle; seemed to say, " I 

told you so. ' ' 



Then he knelt down by the "'osses," and he 

thought he'd try to pray, 
But he knew he ' 'didn' t ought to, ' ' so not a word 

could find to say; 
Something told him he deserved to pass under the 

chast'ning rod. 
And he knew it was the broom-stick that had made 

him think of God. 



That's the lesson I fain would teach by this, while 

brooms are made for sweeping dust. 
They come handy in emergencies when women lose 

their trust, 
When wielded by a valiant arm, 'twill convince 

men on the spot 
That their wives are good and beautiful, if it don't, 

they'll make it hot. 



^» 



upEViSED Versions," a Poetical Par- 
^" allel;also "Fragments of Thought" 
and ' 'Trixanna Trude, ' ' a Society Epic, 
by Ruth Wai^don. In the hands of the 
Publisher. 



•UPUDDLKTON, AND ITS BiG ToADS," 

- by Ruth Wai^don. In the hands 
of the Publisher. 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




015 863 801 



iiiiiSi j 

015 863^0T_u^ 



